Married Bliss

My husband and I met 12 years ago on a ski season. It was very much a whirlwind with all the attributes of a holiday romance - everything moved fast, we fell in love quickly, we both had other people waiting for us at home in our "real" lives. If I'm completely honest, I don't think either of us thought it would last, despite the romantic notion of us being "meant to be". So many things had to fall into place for us to even meet - both do a ski season, both do a season at the same time, both be sent to the same resort to work in the same bar. We convinced ourselves it was fate.

And here we are 12 years later, a year of long distance, a 200 mile move, a flat, an engement ring, 2 houses, a wedding, a dog and a child. 12 years together, 5 of them married. It hasn't all being easy, after a year of long distance, seeing each other once every 2 weeks to moving in together we were about ready to kill each other. But we got through it. The death of my ex boyfriend turned my life upside down but he was there through it all. Holding me through the shock and the tears. A minor indiscretion on my part, a momentary loss of sanity - he forgave me! The usual ups and downs of a long term relationship that has survived for over a decade.

And now we've brought a dog and a child into the mix and it's fucking hard. Everyone always says bringing up kids is hard but actually looking after a child is the easy bit, it's everything else that makes it difficult! The ongoing life logistics of who's doing drop off / pick up? Who has the car seat? How do we fit in walking the dog? How do we keep the house clean? When do I get some time to myself? How do I keep fit? What are we having for tea? What are we doing this weekend? When can I see my friends? Never mind when do we find time for each other? How do we do date night? When's the last time we had sex?!

Finding that balance is hard and as you can see from my last post, there's been a bit more added on top of my usual weekly mind explosion!

I think writing down a few things that piss me off at the minute might help me vent, but be warned! This is very mundane married life stuff... Absolutely nothing of any interest in this list and it is SO petty, but here goes:

1. He didn't get me a mothers day present or put any thought into the day whatsoever. I don't need the earth, I don't need a big present. But just a day off where he plans something nice or buys me a little present to show that he thinks that I'm a good mum/deserve a little treat would have been nice. 

2. He didn't get me an anniversary present. It's been 5 years, we've always done the cotton, leather, etc anniversary presents and this year he just didn't bother. After all the shit with the speeding and the court case and just nothing. Made me feel like shit. He said he would make it up to me but 2 months down the line, nothing. 

3. He never puts anything back - I feel like I spend my life putting drinks/food back in cupboards, cushions back on sofas, closing doors (including the fridge!), turning off taps, lids back on things, etc etc etc. I mean I have enough on! I must have asked him a million times to shut the en Suite door but he just leaves it open all the time, I can't say it anymore! Who wants to sleep in the same room as a toilet?!

4. The mental load (and most of the physical load) is mine. I do all the meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, most of the cleaning, plan the weekends, any packing for myself, child and dog, all the logistics of anything, all nursery drop offs and some pick ups and most of the dog walking. Don't get me wrong, he will do things if I ask him to but he never takes the initiative - he will change the bed but I have to tell him when kinda thing. This one is a tricky one to talk about because it makes sense for me to do a lot of the stuff as I wfh part time, and he's in the office full time. I love cooking and he hates it. I can't explain very well what annoys me about it but again, it's mainly the thought behind things - offering to do something or suggesting a nice day out where I don't have to do the logistics! Anything to show his gratitude or appreciation!

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to achieve with this post to be honest. Just a massive rant about mundane married life. 

I think we just need to find more time for each other, remember why we fell in love and enjoy life! I mean don't get me wrong, we're not unhappy - he is an amazing dad, he does bath and bed every single night, he plays with her the majority of the weekend and she is a proper little daddy's girl! We have a lovely time as a family and I enjoy every minute! I think he just forgets sometimes that being an amazing dad doesn't necessarily equate to being a amazing husband.

Also, to be clear, I am not saying I am the perfect wife. Far from it in fact and I'm sure given the chance he would have a list to rival mine.