Notok

I have a poorly baby 😢

Morgan was sick last night. Again. Will the nursery bugs ever end?!? I feel like she hasn't been well since she started nursery. 

I need to stop thinking in the moment. Whenever something happens my brain spirals and thinks the absolute worst possible scenario. Catastrophizing. "Omg she's gonna keep being sick. Omg she's gonna make me sick. Omg this is just my life now forever. I'm never gonna be happy again."

I cannot stop crying. I feel so shit. How people cope that have actual sick children is beyond me. This is just fucking awful. 

It's taking me back to 10 years ago when all my life revolved around being scared of being sick. Counting down time after exposure to something to consider myself safe. 6 hours for food poisoning. 48h for a tummy bug. I feel like I'm taking a massive step back. I used to avoid certain situations/food to reduce that risk. But I can't avoid my daughter, she just wants me. But every second I'm holding her, I'm just thinking that I'm more and more likely to get sick myself and I just feel like the worst mum in the world. 

Dealing with that, as well as seeing her unwell. It just feels too much. I don't know how to cope with this. I just want everything to go back to normal!! But what is normal?! We haven't had normal for a long time. And I can't even remember what normal is. But it's the thought that just keeps running through my head. I just want to get back to normal. 


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