The best year of my life...

New years eve... The day to write a long, soppy social media post about how 2021 has been the best year of your life or so it seems for everyone who's had a baby this year.

But it hasn't been the best year of my life and that makes me feel like shit. The dreaded mum guilt. 

I'm not saying it's been awful, but.. 
1. There's been a global pandemic. 
2. I was pregnant for 9 months of it. 
3. I've been through some of the worst pain I've ever felt and had to have major surgery!

Firstly, My year started with chronic back pain. It was horrendous... I don't think I had ever been in so much pain, I couldn't sleep and nothing I did made me feel any better. I had an appointment with a physio in mid Feb and he told me I'd pulled my rhomboid muscle and gave me some exercises to do. After a week of doing them the pain was a million times worse, so I went to see a chiropractor instead. She told me that it was likely due to the hormones released during pregnancy and that she could help but it would take a long time to improve due to my body focusing all its energy in growing another human. I also couldn't take any proper pain killers because you can't do anything when you're pregnant! I had to have 4 weeks off work!! It wasn't until early April when I started to feel better. It kept getting gradually better throughout the year but I kept going to the chiropractor through pregnancy. After Morgan was born the pain started coming back and is still there now, nearly a year later!! My next appointment with the chiropractor is next week and I think she's going to send me for an xray 😕

Secondly, I WAS PREGNANT. I would love to say that I loved being pregnant but I just didn't. Aside from the back pain, I had a relatively straightforward pregnancy... I didn't have any morning sickness or weird cravings or get particularly huge. But I just didn't enjoy it. And I wish more people would admit to this, because at the time I felt like something was wrong with me. Everyone seemed say they loved it and I thought I was supposed to too. And then at the end of the 9 months I went through 13hours of the actual worst pain I'd ever felt (that silly back pain was nothing!) to then be cut open and have 6+ weeks of recovery to go through! 

Reading this back, it is a LOT of whinging, but as I said, it hasn't been an awful year, just not the best of my life.... There were some great moments in 2021...

1. It snowed and I built a snowman with my dog. 

2. I cooked an entire human! 

3. We got a new car! 

4. Long weekend camping with friends

5. Caravan with mum and sis 

6. Staycation in a little hut

7. Being pregnant at the same time as my sister in law
8. My Baby shower 
9. Morgan
10. Meeting the cousins / First Christmas 



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