The first night

The first night was pretty horrendous. At 9pm we were moved from the delivery room down to the post natal ward... Due to covid the visiting hours on the ward were 8am to 8pm, meaning Kris was allowed to come in for a minute to see where we were and drop off my stuff then he had to leave.

I was alone.
With a baby.
With absolutely no clue what I was doing.
In a lot of pain. 
And completely exhausted, having now been awake for 38 hours.

I could barely get out of bed. I couldn't get to any of my stuff as kris wasn't allowed to stay for any amount of time to organise it, so I just lay there listening to other people's babies scream and watching mine sound asleep. I couldn't sleep, kept having flashbacks from the day. 

Morgan kept being sick and I had to press a button to get a midwife to come sort her out. And she wouldn't breast feed, had to hand express colostrum into a syringe to give her. Not even 24h old and I felt like I was failing her. 

I finally fell asleep around 3am, to be woken up by a midwife telling me that my covid test was negative and I had to move to a green ward. I got out of bed for the first time since surgery and struggled down the corridor to my new bed carrying a catheter with blood running down my legs. I was exhausted. 




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