One whole month!!!

This time last month I was in the most pain I'd ever been in. I can't believe that was a month ago! My baby girl is a month old. And I'm having a shit day.

You know when you're working full time and you wake up in the morning and think "ugh I just want a day off" then you realise you're not working full time any more and the day off you want is from your daughter and you just feel like the worst person in the world. Well Yeh that. 

Last night Kris woke me up at 11ish to say that it was like Morgan had forgotten how to feed from a bottle. Since she was born we have been taking shifts in the night, he keeps her downstairs from 9pm-1am and feeds her from a bottle with milk I've expressed throughout the day, so I can get 4 hours sleep and then I take over from 1. In the first few weeks, those 4 hours were pretty much the only sleep I was getting because she just wouldn't settle. Recently she's been doing so much better and going down for 3 hours at a time. Since we're getting more sleep through the night, we've been talking about changing things so that we can spend some more time all together. But I didn't think we would be forced into it, or have that much pressure put on me that I am the only way that my baby can feed... What if my nipples hurt too much to feed her? What if she stops doing the 3h sleeps and I'm too tired? What if I can't do it?! I know most mums don't even have that 4 hours and solely feed from the breast from the start. I just don't feel good enough today.

The worst thing is I took it out on Kris and I know it must be just as hard for him not being able to do anything to help with his useless nipples. 



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