Imposter syndrome

"Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. 'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence."

I learnt about imposter syndrome about 3 years ago when I was asked if I wanted to be involved in a massive project at work and I almost said no because I didn't think I was good enough. I remember my head of function said to my manager "Becky is the best person for this job and the only person who doesn't think so is Becky."

I always thought everyone at work thought I was better than I was and eventually I was going to get found out. Accepting the work on this project put me in the middle of everything, everyone wanted my help/advice, my opinion became the one that mattered and it made me realise that I was fucking good at my job and no one could have done it better. Looking back I can't believe how much the past 2 years have changed me. 

I used to hate talking in front of people, now it's usually me doing the talking. 
I used to hate saying good things about myself - see previous paragraph!
I used to think I didn't know what I was talking about and just pretending/hiding behind others - now I know I know my shit and if I don't, I'm not afraid to ask.

So I guess it's no surprise that I feel the way I did 3 years ago about motherhood! I've been in my job 10 years, I've been a mum for 6 weeks. I guess in those low moments I've got to remember that.

I have been feeling pretty shit about whether breast feeding is going well or not. 

WHY DOES NO ONE TELL YOU HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS?!??

Morgan is putting on weight, she frequently falls asleep after feeding, she seems content at the breast and it doesn't hurt while she's feeding. All  signs that everything is going well.

BUT. my nipples hurt afterwards... "Something must be wrong! I'm so shit at being a mum!" are my immediate thoughts! But why? Why am I being so hard on myself... Morgan is putting on weight and pooping and weeing as much as she should! That's all that matters.

Additionally...
* 81% of mums plan to exclusively breastfeed initially. 
* By 6 weeks, 24% of mums are exclusively breastfeeding.
* 1 in 4 women have an emergency C-section - which can make breastfeeding more difficult due to very sleepy baby in early days and difficulty to get correct positions due to recovery from surgery.

Meaning... I am doing a fucking amazing job and I need to remember that. (still not feeling 100% comfortable saying this out loud / don't fully believe it - but I'll get there) 

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