Mum Life

I still can't believe I had to have another cesarean! I guess deep down I kind of knew that it would end up that way. Dno why, just a feeling I guess. My body is obviously just not meant to give birth naturally. I think I thought I'd feel like a failure if I didn't do it "properly" this time. I am never going to know what it feels like to have a natural birth. But I think I'm OK with it. I don't feel like I gave up, I just didn't have a choice in the end. I couldn't mentally carry on. I didn't write much about the recovery last time so it's difficult to remember but I think it has been marginally better / quicker this time around. The improvement I saw every day was crazy. The way I felt those first few days out of hospital, I thought it was gonna take weeks! But here we are less than 2 weeks later and pretty much back to full movement. They discharge you 24 hours after the surgery!!! Just one day! We were in hospital with Morgan for 4 days...

Hormones are wild! I feel all of the feelings all at once. It's so overwhelming! My anxiety is through the roof. I am so unbelievably happy. I want to cry. I think now that the physical pain is wearing off, the mental side is really hitting me. But this time around, I just know that it's hormones and I'm just letting myself feel everything and accepting it, without thinking too much into it.  Everything is so different with your second. Trying not to use the word easy but aside from the recovery from surgery it's been fairly plain sailing. Riley is already sleeping for 4 hours at a time... Think I'm getting more sleep now than I did when I was pregnant 😅 my garmin said I had 9.5h last night!! She's feeding brilliantly from me and from a bottle. And she's just so chill. I even went to the pub for a couple of hours without her!! Don't think I left Morgans side for at least 6 months! Was it really so hard the first time just because of first time parent an...

There have been times where I never thought I'd get here. A week of not being pregnant. A week of recovery. A week as a mum if two. A week of Riley. A week of being a big sister.  Second time around is so much easier!! Riley is so chilled out, she's even been letting us get a decent stint of sleep at night! She took to breastfeeding almost immediately and is already pretty much back to her birth weight. 

Well it happened again. About 9pm on Monday night the strongest contractions yet. 3 mins apart. So off we go to hospital for what we hope is the final time. We get ready and get in the car, contractions still coming strong. Something feels different, this must be it. We get to the maternity assessment centre and have a labour assessment.... 1cm dilated. Not tightly closed but also not active labour, and because of my previous c-section we had to stay the rest of the night to be monitored. We were on the MAC ward waiting for a doctor and a bed and this woman started being violently sick... I have a phobia of sick... (see many many many previous posts). I couldn't deal with it, I started panicking while still having contractions and just needed to get out of there. We went and sat in the waiting room instead. Contractions were still coming but I could already feel them slowing and becoming less intense. After a couple of hours we were moved to a room and I knew we were just having a ...

Can you write a post called birth story when you haven't even had the baby yet?!? I have been in "labour" since 2pm on Wednesday. It's now Monday.  I have been to the hospital twice. And been sent home twice.  I am struggling mentally and physically and I just don't know what to do anymore 😭😭😭 I hate being pregnant. Absolutely hate it. I have been counting down the days for it to be over pretty much since I found out I was pregnant. I have been so uncomfortable, so emotional and felt so useless and not myself.  I was so sure she was gonna come early, so when I went to the midwife at 39 weeks and she told me my cervix was "tightly closed", I was devastated. I was so ready for it to be over but this meant i wasn't even close. I went back a week later and there had been no change. Just felt like utter shit. But then, I started getting pains at about 2pm.They were coming more and more regular and getting stronger. It was finally happening and only 1 d...

Im struggling. I can't decide what to be sad about. That's how shit things are right now.  I'm trying to be positive. To look forwards. But I am just so fucking sad. And I can't even do anything to cheer myself up because I'm soo damn pregnant.  Although not being able to drink 12 pints right now is probably a good thing. I feel like I've lost so much this year.  The first back at the start of the year, a girl who was my bridesmaids (see previous posts). I guess to be fair, she was gone long ago. But it came to a head this year.  The second in August. I still dno what to say about this. I never even replied when he told me he couldn't be in my life anymore. I wrote out a million responses... Angry, logical, agreeing, disagreeing, angry again. But nothing I could have said really mattered, it was for the best. It was better to just say nothing at all. The third, only 3 weeks ago. My doggy 😭😭😭 I miss her so much. It's so strange losing a dog, everything...