Mum Life

And even saying that makes me feel like shit. But I do. This is just gonna feel like one massive whinge but I'm just finding it so hard and it's making me feel like a failure for not being able to cope. I feel like it impacts everything. I just don't feel like myself anymore. I can't do anything I love doing or rather I don't love it the same.  The smell of everything is different. My dogs food makes me gag. The smell of our fabric softener is so strong, it's making me hate it. I seem to be able to smell everything really strongly and it just makes me feel so sick all the time.  The taste of everything is different. I don't like squash. Or anything to drink really. Anything I eat puts a horrendous taste in my mouth and makes me feel sick. But I also can't stop eating. I feel fat and like I look like shit all the time.  I have completely gone off tea and coffee. The lack of caffeine is giving me wild headaches that I can only take paracetamol for, which d...

(I wrote this a year ago and never published it... And now I'm 14 weeks pregnant... But I felt like I needed to post it before my next post)  Well I don't. I want 2 kids in my future and Morgan to have a sister. But the thought of going through the baby stage again fills me with dread. I didn't enjoy it the first time and the thought of doing it with a toddler in toe and a dog sounds beyond horrendous. But it is consuming my every thought. Having a second child is so much more logistical than the first. I am forever feeling like we need to make this decision almost immediately... I need to go back to full time to get a decent maternity pay... We need to make sure there's a space in Morgans nursery to accommodate that. How far in advance does this need to be? When do we take the plunge? Are we gonna start "trying"? Or just see what happens? Our life is fucking hard enough, will we survive this? Will I survive this? Is this really what I want?! I have never want...